Fam Jam
by jessiedoll
Summary: Ash and Misty find out their new friend has a family after all, one that may even be stranger than he is. Intended as a one shot when I started, but I got myself in over my head again...
1. Rides in trucks with strangers

**Notes: Everyone has smart phones and selfies are a thing even though it was still technically the late 90's when the Orange Islands episodes were produced, but I just don't give a frick anymore. And if you can convert physical matter to data I'm sure cell phones and wifi are not that much of a stretch.**

Fam Jam

Chapter 1: Rides in trucks with strangers

Okay, so they'd been told to just wait for a few days at the Tangelo pokémon center for him, that it was really nothing and he'd be back in a few days. Just a small detour! Nothing major!

Lies. All no good lies.

Misty noticed that whenever Tracey was trying to spin a lie his face would get all flushed and he'd look anywhere but directly at you. The sky, the ground, a Krabby digging in the sand, didn't matter. If he wasn't looking you right in the eyes Tracey was definitely lying.

Nevertheless he insisted everything was totally fine, nothing to worry about. And that was that. He wouldn't tell them what was so urgent about the text message he'd received and just left them there to rot.

After a few hours (what felt like an eternity to Ash) of reading and re-reading all the magazines in the center and getting mad at the wifi for crapping out Ash had finally had enough. He couldn't take being lied to, he did not want to settle with being bored. He'd already won the Orange League, had the darn GS ball and just wanted to get back so he could get some home cooking and start a new adventure. And for once Misty was totally on board with him, though she was slightly less selfish than Ash and just wanted to know what suddenly turned Tracey into such a secretive person.

"I mean, what's so exciting or bad that he can't share it with us? Right?" Ash grumbled and folded his arms across his chest as they walked back towards the pier. He didn't even know where to start, Tracey could be anywhere by now. In the city they were currently standing in or in any of the smaller towns on the other side of the mountains. Ugh, Ash did not want to walk up any mountains.

"Well, everyone is entitled to their secrets. He seemed to antsy though and that worries me…I hope nothing bad happened." Misty kicked a pebble away and stared across the water. "I just hope he's okay wherever he is."

"More of a reason for us to find him and yell at him! You should be able to trust your friends when you're in trouble! And we're friends, right? Right?"

"How do we even start to look for him though? We only saw him go off in the direction of the mountains but we don't even know if he went that far." Misty pointed out their lack of leads, but Ash was not about to give up just yet.

"Then we look everywhere for him! I mean, the island can't be that big. It's an island! Islands aren't that big…right?"

Misty just put her face in her hands and groaned. "I don't know, Ash."

That's when she remembered something. Right after Tracey received the mysterious text message he'd gone off to make a quick phone call. Misty had overheard him having a conversation, not in any language she knew but one word was used repeatedly and she understood that one perfectly.

"Mama."

"I'm sorry, what?" Ash gave her the strangest look, from his shoulder Pikachu perked up and its ears twitched curiously.

"Pikachu! You know what I'm talking about, right? You heard it with those big, lovely ears! Tracey said mama multiple times, right Pikachu?" Misty scooped Pikachu off Ash's shoulder with one arm (while Togepi occupied the other) and spun the critter around, the creature squealed with delight.

"What are you saying, Misty?"

Misty stopped spinning, her hair a bit of a mess and she smiled. "It might be reaching, but I think Tracey may have gone home. And if that's the case he probably wouldn't be on this part of the island since it's one giant tourist trap. He's gone home to his mother and he's on the other side of those mountains."

Ash didn't seem convinced. "Well how do you know mama doesn't mean something else in whatever language he was speaking, huh? It could have been part of another word or something."

Misty shook her head in disagreement. "Noooo, he was using it how a kid talks to their parents. It was its own word and it was mama."

"Okay, well say you are right. It would take us hours to get over there and it'll be dark by then! And I'm hungry…"

"Darn it Ash, I thought you were all determined to find him."

"That was before I got hungry. Now all I care about is pizza."

XXXXXX

They were going to get nowhere with Ash on an empty stomach so after stuffing his face with an entire pizza and downing what must have been a litre of soda the Ash machine was full and ready to go once again. Now they just had to find a way to get over the mountain quickly. Hitching a ride was the best option to get their before sun fall, so they started back down at the pier where it looked like some workers were getting ready to end their shifts. Maybe one of them was ready to head home and they lived past the mountains!

When they got down in there though they were starting to think it was not the best plan after all, most of these giant men looked like they belonged in prison. Piercings, scary tattoos, cigarettes hanging from their mouths as they glared at the children walking by. Ash and Misty clung close to each other for safety while Pikachu remained alert, giving a threatening tail wag to anyone that looked at them funny or spit at their feet. Of course Togepi was oblivious to any danger, wiggling its little arms and making friendly noises at everyone.

Out of all the men though the scariest one of all was a towering, sickly skinny guy who was just covered in tattoos (even on his neck and hands!), had more metal in his face than they thought humanly possible, had half a shaved head and wore ripped clothes held together with safety pin at some parts. Weirdest of all he wore an eye patch like a pirate that only partially covered a deep scar running down the left side of his face.

They were expecting the nastiest glare of all when their eyes met his one remaining peeper, but instead he broke out into a smile (revealing a gold tooth) and pointed at Pikachu and Togepi. The man gestured some more at the pokémon holding his cell phone up, he seemed to be indicating that he wanted to take a picture with them. Ash glanced at Pikachu, they both nodded at each other then back at the man who hadn't said a word to them yet. The man swung one of his long arms around all four of them, flashed a big grin at the camera and snapped the picture.

Pulling away the man put a flat hand against his lips then forward and down towards them, almost like blowing a kiss. Realizing that they didn't understand him, the man finally spoke but he had the oddest accent. "I don't see lots of those around here. Thank you for…" His words trailed off and he pointed at his cell phone.

"No prob, Bob …" Ash replied anxiously. One second he was expecting to be gutted and now he was being spoken to by some selfie taking weirdo pirate who spoke like he was talking into a tin can with his nose permanently plugged.

The inked stranger then looked concerned. "What…what are you kids doing down here?"

"Oh, uh we're trying to find someone who knows the area to maybe give us a ride to the other side of the island. A friend of ours is kind of worrying us right now and we're trying to find him." Misty took her phone from her pocket and quickly looked through her gallery, the only picture of her friend that wasn't blurry or had him looking away was one of the both of them looking into the camera with not-so-impressed expressions (the photos after that were a series of images involving Ash jumping on slippery rocks trying to catch something, the last was of him falling face first into the water). Misty held the one of her and Tracey up and asked. "Look familiar? We think he lives around here but we're not sure."

The stranger looked at the picture for a moment, went to say something but stopped. Instead he typed something into his phone and showed it to them. _"Yeah, I know that kid. He lives just over the mountain, I know his family!"_ The text said. _"I'll even take you right to him."_

"Really? That would be awesome!" Misty wanted to hug the stranger, but it was weird of enough that they were already accepting a ride from him. Misty also noticed that Ash seemed wary of him still, squinting his eyes and starring really hard at the guy.

Despite Ash being suspicious the stranger was more than happy to help them out. So they all piled into his red beater of an old truck and started over the mountainous region of the island, taking in the amazing view of the light hitting the water. Once they reach the peak of the mountain one of the tiny towns below came into view, it looked to be a rather hilly seaside town with lots of outlooks over the ocean. In town the main street had a cute cobblestone road, shops with pretty handmade signs and old fashioned street lamps. A lot of the residential houses were not typical of island dwellings, mostly old victorian style houses with intricate woodwork and spires on their roofs. The town was probably one of the original settlements when mainlanders started coming to the islands.

The rust bucket the stranger drove rattled as they came to a stop in front of one of the houses. It wasn't quite as elaborate as some of the others but it still had an attic and a large balcony that went all the way around the house. The walkway leading up to the front steps was lined with a cute little garden and whoever owned the house had quite the collection of novelty garden decorations (you know, windmills, knock-off cartoon characters, cowboy silhouettes…). This gave Misty an immediate mental image of Tracey's mom: Probably small and round, flowery dresses that were a little dated, hair pulled back in a bun, always baking and making sure the house was clean and the garden perfect.

Hopping out of the truck Ash and Misty were surprised to see the stranger get out with them, he nodded towards the house like he wanted them to follow him. Well, he did say he knew the family. Maybe he was a friend?

As they reached the front door they started hearing quite a bit of noise inside the house. Heavy footsteps, some chatter they couldn't make out, some kind of loud music and the occasional laughter or scream. Instead of knocking the stranger just opened the door and waltzed right on in, pausing to hold the door opened for the kids. Ash and Misty cautiously stepped inside.

While the outside of the house looked bright and cheery like something off the cover of a home and garden magazine, inside was a different story. The front foyer was dark with deep red walls and only a single faint light above their heads. All the other light can from candles flickering on the head, shoulders and base of a large statue that appeared to be a humanoid figure with a lapras skull holding it's hands in a praying position. Someone had dressed the statue in fresh flowers recently and sitting as its base were incense that smelled of vanilla and cinnamon next to a plate holding biscuits and mandarins. On the floor next to the statue were what they hoped were fake skulls, most of them gathering a thick layer of dust and cobwebs.

To their right was a set of stairs that simply led into darkness and to their right was a door with the words "NO ENTRY" on them. Between the door and the statue was a hallway that seemed a little brighter than the front entrance.

That's when Ash and Misty finally noticed the stranger was gone.

"Okay, so I think we just broke into someone's house." Ash concluded out loud, wondering if they should make a run for it now before the residents of the house realized they were there.

As they were either about to go exploring or make their escape they heard some footsteps creaking on the stairs, they froze and watched as a larger girl with copper skin and wavy red wearing a long, flowing black lace dress descended carrying a smoking bundle in one hand and some kind of shell in the other. She seemed to be concentrating too much to notice them, but that didn't stop the thick sour smoke from getting into their lungs.

The girl disappeared down the more brightly lit hallway, making Ash and Misty more apprehensive about going in that direction. They were about to make another attempt when two small children with hair the colour of mint gum and giant blue eyes walked arm and arm past them, giving them both a long hard look before running upstairs giggling.

What the heck was this place? Why had the stranger brought them there? It wasn't too late to turn and run out the door…

"I say we keep going." Misty said grabbing Ash's arm before he could try and leave. If these people had their friend they were going to save him.

Ash stuck his tongue out.. "If I die, I'm coming back to haunt you!"

Slowly they shuffled to the hallway and peered around the corner. What they saw now appeared to be a more typical family dwelling. Brightly painted walls of butter yellow, family photos hanging on them mostly of younger kids though they did spot a few in graduation robes and what looked like more recent snapshots. To their right on the wall it looked like someone had been keeping track of the growth their kids over the years, taking a closer look they saw quite a few names: Delaney, Edie, Sadie, Stacey and Tracey.

Okay, that could not be coincidence.

They scanned some of the family photos for confirmation and found a few that sort of looked like their friend except in all of them he had much longer hair that was either pulled back or braided, there was also one of a small kid in a hooded Vulpix onesie that sort of matched but the image was more amusing than it was informative. They just couldn't believe he possibly lived in such a place.

Continuing their journey down the hallway they found two open rooms, one had music blaring from it and the other some strange stomping and clicking sound. In the room on the left they found a massive man with dark skin wearing only plaid Bermuda shorts, circular sunglasses and headphones. He had a giant mop of curly red hair, a long goatee with two braids in it and the lower half of his face was decorated in a curvy tattoo design. He didn't see them because he was too busy rocking out on an electric guitar that wasn't even plugged in as he danced around the room, occasionally thanking a non-existent audience.

To their right was a tiny kitchen that smelled of rosemary and onions, much smaller than they expected for a house of this size. Tending to a large pot on the stove there was a tall girl, also with copper skin but instead of red her hair hers was celery green with blunt bangs. She wore a bandana over it tied at the front made to look like a small set of bunny ears, her short dress was body hugging and made of a leopard print and her shoes were glittering green heels that really didn't seem appropriate for kitchen work but she glided on them like air. On her left shoulder was a tattoo of a heart with a dagger through it, and perched on her right shoulder was a Butterfree that was moving its wings to the beat of the song coming out of a small radio that sat on the counter.

The very end of the hallway opened into a large living room and dining area. The walls in this room were papered in an old filigree pattern of black and white, most of the furniture was either black or black with red accents and the carpet was a dark grey. On the far wall there was a flat screen tv playing some kind of old zombie movie while a tall thin man with scraggly long hair and pale skin lied in a couch infront of it. He was starring mindlessly at his phone and wore a very worn looking 'Iron Magmar' t-shirt, he also probably could have beat the stranger who brought them there in a facial piercing contest.

As they crept through the living room to go take a peek out the back sliding doors Misty noticed more skulls sitting in the centerpiece on the dining room table. She shuddered.

Before they could reach the doors though from seemingly out of nowhere a Sandshrew rolled slowly by their feet and into the hallway. A second later the stranger reappeared, he was with a shorter teenage boy who was also a red head with dark skin but he had the most glorious almond shaped blue eyes and wore a blue soccer jersey. Both him and the stranger were speaking with their hands, the red head almost ran right into them and he seemed upset about it.

"Desert Rose, have you seen my Desert Rose?" He demanded frowning at them, not even questioning who they were. When neither Ash nor Misty responded he made a disgusted sound and shoved by them, the stranger followed but pointed out the back sliding doors before disappearing again.

"What is this place?" Ash finally breathed out, he was so confused by everything in the house.

Stepping onto a cluttered deck out back they were greeted by a massive backyard with a huge vegetable garden. Standing probably about 20 feet away from them in the garden with their back to them Misty spotted the head of a woman that had to be Tracey's mom. The hair was the same mossy green but with touches of grey in it and pulled back into a tight pony tail, as Misty got a closer look though she realized her mental image was a bit off. Yes, the lady was rather short but not quite as plump as she'd been thinking (unless you count the pregnant belly), her strapless sundress was covered in a sunflower and Beedrill print and she appeared just as tattooed as the stranger.

The lady finally took notice of them, she seemed to scan and inspect them from head to toe before she smiled and waved. She hobbled over from the garden and onto the lower steps of the deck, a hand on her large belly. Misty noted a rather prominent scar on her cheekbone just below her left eye. She also had bumper bangs, large brown eyes and was completely barefoot.

"I don't think we've met before?" She asked in a soft, sing-song voice. Her smile was a little lopsided.

"Uh, no. We're sorry to intrude...but someone brought us here saying we could find our friend." Misty anxiously replied, she was starting to fear that they were not in the right place after all, despite all the evidence in the house to prove that they were.

That was until they heard a rustling near some swiss chard and tomato plants. A second later a fearful, wide eyed (but familiar) face slowly came up out of the plants, the woman shot an angry look back at him. Her sweet voice had a bit if bite to it when she spoke to him. "Tracey…I though you said you didn't have any friends to bring home?" Tracey didn't say anything to his mother, his face just turned a bit green and he slowly shank back into the plants. The girl with the red hair and the smoking bundle from earlier walked over to where he was hiding, waved the smoldering plant matter over the spot then kept moving on chanting something under her breath.

The lady huffed and crossed her arms turning back towards Ash and Misty. "I'm sorry for my child, apparently he's a little embarrassed by his family. I told him to bring along any friends he had but I guess he thought it was better to lie."

"N-no, it's okay!" Ash assured her, he jabbed Misty in the ribs gently. "This one is embarrassed by her family a lot too."

The lady let out a deep sigh. "Goodness no! That's still not acceptable. I'll have to have a talk to him later, but for now I think I'll let the little cabbage root in the garden. And cabbages don't get tea!" She shot a bitter look back at the garden.

Ash and Misty were just able to make out a fearful pair of eyes from just beyond the tomato plants.


	2. Skulls, tea and potato soup

Fam Jam

Chapter 2: Skulls, tea and potato soup

Turns out the 'Sketchit Clan' were not only a lot weirder than Ash and Misty expected, but actually seemed pretty darn cool at the same time. Once Joplin (that's what 'mama' insisted she be called, feeling anything with Mrs was too formal and stuffy) had the tea ready all the residents of house gathered around the dining room table to meet the friends that Tracey had purposefully neglected to mention.

Passing milk, sugar and cookies over the skull center piece introductions were fast paced and a bit overwhelming with all the new information to take in but it certainly wasn't boring. Giving Pikachu a good scratch behind the ears Joplin went around the table starting with the large beast of a man sitting next to her. He'd been the one playing guitar to a fake audience and they were told to just call him Osbourne. They also learned that the ink on his face was traditional for the people he descended from and that he had an important job as the head of Public Works on the island.

The skinny guy who'd been sprawled on the couch and zonked out on his phone was Delaney, oldest of all the kids. And he wasn't just browsing mindlessly on his phone either, turned out he was a semi-popular metal music blogger and has been in the midst of some intense research for a new blog post he was planning. Despite his rather deathly looking eyes and harsh face he was quite pleasant and articulate, politely engaging Ash in conversation about their different experiences in the Indigo League.

The girl from the kitchen earlier kept getting up every few minutes to check on the potato and leek soup bubbling on the stove, but she introduced herself as Edie the second oldest child and the oldest daughter of Joplin and Osbourne. She apparently worked as some kind of alternative model but neither Ash or Misty were familiar with her face.

Still smelling a bit like sour smoke, the red headed girl called herself Sadie the third oldest and explained what she'd been doing with the bundle and the shell. Sadie was very heavily into witchcraft and had been doing a cleansing ritual by burning sage, stating that Tracey's return home had brought back some pretty negative energy that she wanted expelled. Partially so her mom could have the baby with as little trouble as possible and also so she could create a calming environment to study for her upcoming photography midterm.

The other red headed child who now had his Sandshrew resting in his lap called himself Stacey, he was only older than Tracey by two years but had a more manly looking face and physique next to Tracey who still appeared rather boyish. Stacey also spoke in a very brash manner and was overflowing with confidence, the complete opposite of their friend.

The little mint haired twins form earlier remained largely quiet, peering at Ash and Misty curiously as they nibbled on cookies. Joplin called them Manny and Minne Pye, her niece and nephew from Osbourne's side of the family. According to her they were living in their house for a few months while their parents were off on an archaeological dig somewhere in Kanto.

Lastly there was the stranger who had driven them there. His name was Cal (short for Pascal) and he was a nephew from Joplin's side of the family. Although Misty had figured it out almost immediately, it took Stacey shouting suddenly and Cal not reacting for Ash to figure out that Cal was deaf. Ash wasn't too embarrassed for long though because Cal quickly called out something to interest the kid, an extra fluffy Mareep nicknamed 'The Baron'. Through text Cal explained that The Baron was his service pokémon that helped alert him to things like people knocking on his door, alarms going off or someone trying to get his attention.

As Ash was getting quite an education on The Baron's important job Misty silently observed everyone around the table. At first she didn't really see a family resemblance to their friend, but soon she started noticing little things like the way some of them held their cups or how they were postured were really similar to Tracey. Joplin was probably the most like him in terms of mannerisms and her speech pattern was also nearly identical (except for how she addressed everyone with worlds like darling and sweetheart). They both put emphasis on the same words and did the same little smirk when someone said something funny.

On the appearance side of things when you got past Cal's modifications and missing eyeball it was clear that he and his younger cousin had a nearly identical facial structure, except Cal had sharper cheek bones and was much older. In fact Cal and Tracey looked more like brothers than he and Stacey did. Even Edie had more in common appearance-wise, they shared similar noses and the same shade of beer bottle brown for their eyes.

Misty was still quite stunned by the situation. Sure, they'd only known Tracey for a short amount of time but never once had he breathed a word about his family whereas both she and Ash constantly talked about their family and friends back home. They sort just assumed he didn't have one, but now here they were sitting around a table with his parents, 4 siblings (soon to be 5) and 3 cousins.

Now moving on to giving Pikachu belly rubs Joplin apologized again for Tracey's odd behavior. "Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with him sometimes. He always acts like we're a circus freak show and it seems like he wishes he was adopted."

"…he's not adopted?" Ash asked between bites of cookie.

Joplin and Osbourne both paused and looked at each other before both of them burst out laughing,

Osbourne's booming howl rocked the table causing the tea in their cups to quiver. "That child? He's more like us than he wants to admit!"

"And I didn't spend the last few months of my pregnancy lying in bed feeling like my back was splitting open for nothing. Tracey is definitely one of ours." Joplin shook her head and rolled her eyes. This probably wasn't the first time Tracey had done something like this.

As Ash and Misty listened to Joplin talk rather openly about her back pains and water breaking, Stacey leaned over and whispered. "That's why she goes overboard with the god statue in the hallway. She didn't do anything with it when she was pregnant with Tracey and she thinks that's why he was born too early and sick."

Sick? He didn't look sick.

"Oh my darlings, enough about us. What about you two?" Joplin's eyes practically sparkled as she stared at them across the table. "Tracey never said a word about you so I want to know who you are and what you're about if you don't mind."

Swallowing a big chunk of chocolate chip cookie, Ash wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand (unknowingly smearing some of the chips). "Us? Now that I've beaten the Orange League we're headed home to deliver something to Professor Oak."

Stacey snorted and clicked his spoon on the lip of his cup. "Ain't that the guy Tracey always blabbers about?"

"Uh, yeah. I think so?"

"Maybe the professor will adopt him and be his new daddy." Snickered Stacey with a hint of contempt in his voice.

Angrily Edie shot up and slammed her fist on the table in front of her brother's teacup causing the contents to splash out. "Stacey! Quiet!" Just as quickly she returned to her seat, fixed her hair and flashed a smile, "please continue."

A touch startled Ash went on. "…so we're also headed back home to hopefully start a new adventure."

Misty sighed, feeding her bubbly little egg creature a tiny piece of cookie. "…I'm just following him because he owes me a bike."

Suddenly the sliding door to the backyard cracked opened and slammed closed, everyone turned around in their seats. Knees covered in dirt, some twigs in his hair and a pile of leafy greens in his arm Tracey tried not to make eye contact with anyone. He mumbled "…got the swiss chard" before walking slowly past them on his way to the kitchen. They all sat there in silence and listened as they heard the greens being left on the counter, Tracey's footsteps leaving the kitchen again then running upstairs followed by a slamming door.

Stacey broke the silence with a snort, "weirdo."

Nobody laughed.

XXXXXX

Tracey didn't come down after tea.

He didn't make an appearance during or after dinner.

Ash and Misty were getting worried for their friend. Stacey assured them he was fine, probably just pouting upstairs in his silly blanket fort.

"That kid has always been super weird about us. Just let him whine about it in peace."

Misty wasn't convinced though, so while Ash was chatting away with Delaney about battle techniques and whatnot she snuck away upstairs hoping to find Tracey. The second floor had about 3 bedrooms and a bathroom. One looked like it belonged to the parents, another was really dark and full of metal posters and the other had a set of bunk beds in it and toys on the floor (she guessed the twins were staying there). The next floor up was the attic. Did he live in the attic?

Misty was surprised to find that the upper level was finished and carpeted, not old and creepy and full of dust. The large space appeared divided, not quite equally though. Most of the room was neat and tidy, taken over by soccer posters and pictures of bikini clad women. Shoved into a smaller section, marked by tape on the floor there was indeed a fort made of various blankets and sheets. That corner of the room also seemed darker compared to the rest of the attic, she heard pages of a book turning as she crept over. The floor creaked under her foot.

"…buzz off, Stacey. I just want to be alone." Tracey mumbled in a sullen voice.

"Uh, oh it's not Stacey. It's Misty…I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You totally missed the wicked potato soup your sister made."

She heard the book close and some rustling, a moment later Tracey poked his head out of his little fabric fortress. "I don't know why you couldn't just stay at the center. I'm not saying that to be mean, my family is just…strange."

"Well, they seem really nice so far."

"Yeah, they're nice enough right now, stick around for a few days and they'll just become overwhelming."

"How are they overwhelming?"

"Well, maybe that's not exactly the correct word. But it sounds better than saying they care too much."

Misty reached out and pat him on the head, trying to be both sympathetic and maybe crack a laugh. "You wanna talk about it?"

"…not really?" Tracey flipped up part of the blanket fort and sat on the edge of his bed. "It's just complicated. Really, really complicated."

Taking a seat on the floor, Misty crossed her legs and put all her weight on her right arm. "Well, I've got nothing else to do. Why don't you tell me a bit about it?"

He still really didn't want to but he had a feeling Misty was going to keep prying until he did. With a very uncharacteristic indignant grumble, Tracey joined her on the floor. "Well, you know that statue in our foyer?"

Misty shuddered. "Yeah, it's kinda creepy. What's up with it?"

"It's supposed to be the guardian of the house or something, apparently it's been there since the house was built. Everyday since mom and dad bought the place mom has lit a candle and left offerings. I think the story about it being some house guardian was just made up by the realtor so they wouldn't have to move the thing out, but mom totally bought into it…" Tracey scrunched his face in disgust, he didn't like the statue at all and hated how it was the first thing to greet you at the door. The statue wasn't the most welcoming sight when you'd trudged home after a long journey.

"…every time she's been pregnant she dresses it in flowers and uses more candles. Mom never tells me the real story, but my cousin filled me in on what happened when I was born. In her second trimester she'd been given strict orders for bed rest and left it the responsibility of my father to tend to the statue, apparently he flaked off on that responsibility. So when I was born too early and I was sick my mom blamed him for that. She retired from roller derby permanently to take care of me and for the longest time refused to have any more kids in case they ended up like me…"

Misty tilted her head in curiosity. "Like you? What do you mean?"

Tracey shrugged and made circular impressions in the carpet with his finger. "Well, I'm okay now but when I was younger I was delayed with walking and talking and I guess my immune system was weaker so I'd get sick all the time. But like I said, I'm okay now. I barely get sick anymore and I can scale the side of a cliff like no tomorrow. But I guess me being sick all the time put a lot of stress on my parents, my mom in particular. It was even a miracle that she taught me how to skate and let me do junior derby for a few years until I got old enough for the full contact version. No way she's ever going to let me do that."

Misty giggled, trying to picture him in roller skates. The image in her head was not graceful. "You? Roller derby? You won't even bump into people in public because you're afraid of hurting their feelings and you want to play a sport where you can body check people and knock them to the ground?"

Tracey perked up a bit and made a fist in his palm. "What can I say? Skating and beating people up is an awesome stress reliever, in the right situation with the correct protective gear!" He made sure to add that last part on.

Bringing her knees up to her chin Misty hugged her legs. "Okay, tough guy. But seriously. Your mom seems okay now, even if your new sibling is born a little sick maybe she won't be such a…helicopter parent with them. She's probably learned enough through raising you."

Tracey's shoulders slumped. "I hope so…"

"You know, that still doesn't explain your aversion to the rest of your family."

"Eh…that's all pretty typical I guess." Tracey bit his lip and went back to drawing random shapes in the grain of the carpet. "My brother Stacey is a jerk as you can see by this wonderful tape border down there, my sisters are pretty cool but they have a tendency to treat me like a 5 year old, Delaney pretty much ignores me and my dad knows just how to traumatize a kid. Before he was head of the Public Works Department he took me out on 'Take Your Kid To Work Day' in the truck to clean up the roads and fill in potholes. 9 year old me had the wonderful experience of sitting in the bed of the truck with the rotting remains of some poor eevee that had tried to cross the road."

Misty really tried not to laugh but a snort escaped and she apologized. "That's horrible and hilarious. I feel awful for laughing!"

Tracey shook his finger at her in a joking manner. "Aaaaand you should. Do you know how long it took me to even get back in a vehicle again? I was afraid we were going to hit a poor little pokémon every time we went out!"

"What about Cal? I he off putting too?" Misty wanted to know a little more about the man who'd driven then there.

"Actually, believe it or not he's really pretty normal. Well, sort of? We're the most alike anyways. He used to lie to my mom when I was younger and instead of taking me to the park we'd go for hikes in the woods looking for different pokémon."

"Ha!"

"Yeah, and he's like wicked smart but he never went to college or anything. And he's living in some converted shack right now because his house burned down and some jerks came forward claiming the land the house was built on belonged to them so he's not allowed to rebuild the house until the courts make a decision. You'll probably get to meet his wife and kid tomorrow if you stay."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh, so we get to stay now?"

"I mean, if you want to. I'm sure I can make some room in the blanket fort."

"Yeah, what's up with the fort? You have a secret lab in there or something?" Misty crawled over and inside, she'd been expecting the sheets to be hiding a complete mess but everything was pretty tidy except for some piles of books on the floor around a computer desk. She noticed he had rocket ship sheets on the bed and a pretty ratty looking stuffed squirtle sat on his pillow.

Tracey made some guttural fake vomiting noised and turned to face her, a grin forcing its way onto his face. "Nope. Stacey just farts A LOT in his sleep. It's like a barrier to try and keep it all out."

Misty just shook her head. "That is disgusting. I no longer have a crush on his fabulous hair."

"Ugh, everyone loves his hair. It's all about his pretty, bouncy red hair." Tracey impersonated his older brother by whipping his head back like his hair was being blown about in an ocean breeze. "Ick."

Misty and Tracey had spent a large chunk of the night sitting up and talking, going over old family photos and exchanging stories until Stacey stalked upstairs at about 2 am and demanded silence for his beauty sleep. While lying there on the floor snuggled up to Togepi, it took all her strength to not burst out laughing every time the 'psyducks' sang their song on the other side of the room. Eventually she couldn't help it and absolutely lost it, prompting the both of them to get kicked out of the room and forcing them to sleep on the floor in the living room where Ash had fallen asleep on the couch in front of the tv.

Misty drifted off to sleep listening to the ticking of an old clock and her friends breathing. She hoped the morning sun would chase away any negativity that the night left behind.


	3. Crash Course

**Notes: Only one more chapter of this bullshit left after this. I promise.**

Fam Jam

Chapter 3: Crash Course

 _Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump._

…at 9 am the silence was broken by a yellow cartoon sponge flipping burgers on a grill, startling both Tracey and Misty awake from their cozy spots on the floor. The mint twins were partaking in their daily ritual of cereal and animated shenanigans played at the volume of a jet engine taking off. Sitting up they found that Ash missing from the couch they found a note in his place stating that he and Delaney were down at the beach, apparently Delaney had had agreed to let Ash battle him even though he only owned an Oddish.

After peeling themselves off the floor and finding Joplin in the kitchen making some tea, she let them know what the battle plan for the day was. Ideally the main goals involved cleaning the house, getting dinner ready and setting up the long table in the backyard all to host a bunch of family who were coming there to welcome the new baby that was scheduled to be born the next day.

If all ran smoothly, of course.

Despite the cartoons blaring in the living room the rest of the house was actually experiencing a rare moment of silence as most of the residents were either out of the house or still in the process of waking up. Osbourne was already busy at work wrapping up some projects before the big day and wouldn't be around until after lunch. Sisters Sadie and Edie had dragged Stacey out of bed to go shopping on the other side of the mountain to get some last things for dinner and pick up a cake. After making tea Joplin sat in her rocking chair reading an alternative-knitting book so she could learn how to make a Mohawk hat for the baby. Cal had not yet arrived as he was supposed to pick up his wife and kid from the seaport at around noon.

In the kitchen Tracey and Misty proceeded to stuff their faces before getting to the cleaning, since Tracey had skipped dinner the night before he was pretty much demolishing all the leftovers in addition to cereal and toast. Misty was feeding Togepi when she asked Tracey why Cal's wife didn't live with him.

Swallowing a mouthful of leftover potato soup Tracey responded, "well since their house burnt down and they can't rebuild it until the court throws the case out they've been living on the mainland while Cal holds down the fort. She makes her living as a singer, maybe you've heard of her?"

Misty shook her head. "Doubtful, I rarely have time to listen to the radio these days. Either my sisters are always hogging it or I'm off travelling with kids who destroy my property."

Just then the front door opened and two people came in talking excitedly, a moment later Ash and Delaney appeared in the kitchen doorway with Ash holding up his arms victoriously.

Snarling Misty muttered under her breath. "…speaking of which…"

Ash danced around the small table and drummed the countertops. "Your brother fought well, but I creamed him!"

Misty rolled her eyes and shot a glare at Delaney. "Did you let him win? Last thing he needs is an inflated ego."

Delaney shrugged and yawned. "Nope. Beat me and the blue onion fair and square. And now I'm going back to bed. Good night creatures of the light."

Once Delaney had disappeared upstairs Ash turned to Tracey, he just had to know. "Your brother is really cool and all, but is he Count Dracula?"

Tracey wavered a hand in the air. "I'd say there's a fifty percent chance? Not sure yet, still need to run some more tests."

After eating and doing the breakfast dishes, the trio of friends looked at the list of chores on the fridge to decide what to do first and how to divide the work until the other siblings got back (and for when Delaney decided to crawl out of his coffin again). Cleaning the deck off seemed like the most urgent task, so grabbing some gloves and garbage bags they got to work clearing off the dirt and discarded plants, cigarette butts and long forgotten paper coffee cups, Ash even found half an old sandwich and a bagpipe magazine in the process of clearing out under the built in seating.

They were just about done when suddenly Tracey heard the mint twins eerily calling his name in unison. The creepy little kids stuck their heads out the back door and blinked at their older cousin.

"Auntie Joplin needs your help." They both said in their rather monotone voices, he felt like their large blue eyes were starring past him and into eternity.

Tossing his gloves down Tracey rushed inside to find his mother still in her chair, her book sitting open on top of her belly. She put a gentle hand on his head as he approached and kneeled down next to her.

"Sweetie, would you mind getting your brother up? I think my water just broke."

"Oh! Yeah, sure. Hold on." Tracey shot up and bolted upstairs to his brother's room, he heard some muffled music playing and knocked sharply. No response. He knocked again, tried the door handle. Locked. He tried knocking as hard as he could and calling his brother's name but there was no response. In one last desperate effort to get his brother's attention Tracey stepped back a few meters, ran at the door and tried to break it open with his shoulder but the only thing he managed to succeed in was nearly getting a splinter from the wood floor.

Back downstairs he had to deliver the bad news to his mother who was on her phone texting his father. Probably telling him they were going to the hospital, if he was busy he probably wouldn't see the message until it was too late though.

Tracey leaned against the doorframe, tapping it with his knuckles. "Uh, mom? I think Delaney fell asleep listening to his music again. And his door is locked. What do I do?"

Joplin sighed heavily, forcing herself into a standing position with help from Misty and Ash. She looked Tracey directly in the eyes and said, "I guess you'll have to drive. If we don't get to the hospital asap I think this kid is going to cartwheel outta my vajazzle."

"But we only have dad's car, dad's EXPENSIVE collectors car! I can't drive that! He'll kill me!" Tracey whined thinking about how dead he was going to be if even a single scratch marred the bright blue paint job.

Joplin huffed and shook her head. "Tracey, this is important. I'm sure your father will forgive you."

"But I don't even have a license!" He pointed out. He was still half a year away from being allowed to take the drivers test.

His mother shot him an irritated look as she grabbed a set of keys off the hook in the hallway and tossed them at him. "Do you honestly think I don't know that your father takes you kids out on the back roads for illegal driving lessons? Now lets get going before this baby starts prairie dogging between my legs."

XXXXXX

The little blue convertible flew over the peak of the mountain and returned to the pavement so hard Joplin had to check and make sure no baby heads were popping out. "Careful, careful! You can slow down a bit if you want to, we have no surprise appearances yet! Just a whole lotta pain!"

Without even looking over his shoulder Tracey shouted back as he turned the wheel sharply around a curve in the road, whipping them all to the right. "Mom! No backseat drivers! Let me do this!

"Alright, Speed Racer! Just take the corners a little more gently before my belly crushes Misty, please!" Joplin pleaded from the back seat just as he took another corner that forced them all to the left side of the car.

In the passenger seat next to Tracey, Ash felt like he was ready to throw up his breakfast but he still managed to ask if it was a good idea to leave the mint twins at the house by themselves with nothing but a Venomoth to watch over them. He couldn't shake this nagging feeling that they were either going to burn down the house or steal some of his things to make a voodoo doll. Furthermore, why were he and Misty even there in the first place? Caught up in the moment. Definitely caught up in the moment.

Tracey really wanted to assure his friend that the twins were not possessed by demons, but he had the more important matter of getting everyone to the hospital alive and in one piece. Which was kinda hard since all the driving lessons his father had given him weren't exactly based on any safety techniques, but that's what happens when your oh-so-responsible father lets you rip donuts around an abandoned parking lot in his old beater from high school.

The car felt like lightning as it raced down the steep hill, zipping past people on the side of the road and avoiding slower drivers on their rapid descent. They made really good time making it to the main drag of the tourist district, but that's when Joplin suddenly noticed Tracey's posture had changed and his leg frantically pumping on the brake. His hands began shaking on the steering wheel, his knuckles turned pure white.

"Tracey, what's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG?" Joplin demanded as they nearly hit a line of trashcans and sent some tourists fleeing.

"I-I…I-just!" Tracey stammered trying to keep his eyes on the road. "I just re-remembered why the car was in the garage!"

Tearing right through a red light they narrowly missed a guy on a motorcycle as they took the next corner.

A look of horror came over Joplin's face as she started to remember as well. "Oh no, your father didn't fix the brakes."

"I-I guess in my panic…I forgot!" Tracey narrowly missed an old lady and her meowth crossing the road, other car horns blasted angrily at them. "Sorry!"

Even though she had a baby on the way out and was in a speeding car with broken brakes being driven by an anxious non-licensed teenager Joplin couldn't hesitate, she had to talk him through this. "Tracey, remember all those impossible danger scenarios you and your father used to cook up so you could figure out clever ways to get out of them? This is a real one, what are you going to do?"

"…u-use my b-big brain?"

"That's right, now what do you do in this situation?"

"I-I would…uh, I uh…" Tracey felt like he was blanking out and for a second and he was pretty sure his brain had melted and was gushing out his ears in the form of a warm pink ooze. All he could think about was the four wheels on the road suddenly losing control.

Four wheels.

Quad skates had fours wheels and this speeding blue bullet had four wheels.

When he couldn't figure out how to stop on skates he'd reach out for something with his arms. A lamp post, a tree, a bench, his mother.

Tracey shook his head and tried to calm his breathing as the big blue 'H' sign on the hospital came into view. "Ash…think you can help?"

Ash had himself pinned down into the passenger seat, one arm holding onto Pikachu and the other covering his eyes. "YES! IF IT WILL SAVE US, YES!"

"Then please tell me you have Bulbasaur!"

Ash nodded nervously and gulped.

"Okay, at the hospital there's these large lamp posts. When we get there I'm going to take the keys out, sharply turn the wheel and when I say go I want you to use vine whip to grab onto one, hopefully it'll keep up from spinning into anything. Got it?"

"I think so!"

"Okay, good. Because this might hurt if we fail."

As the hospital got closer Ash fumbled to find Bulbasaur's ball on his belt, he dropped it on the floor accidentally but luckily Pikachu managed to get it into his hands. Ash released the leafy green beast and got it ready to grab onto the lamp post. Making sure he was secure he wrapped his arms around Bulbasaur as tight as he could without hurting the creature, they were only seconds away from the front entrance of the driveway to the hospital.

Narrowly missing a mini van that was attempting to drive into the parking lot, the tires screech loudly and smoked as they practically bounced in. Almost immediately Tracey ripped the keys out of the ignition and once more used all his strength to turn the wheel and hold it in place as the car started spinning like a top.

"GO! GO! GO! DAMMIT" He hollered at Ash trying desperately to keep the tires from moving.

In the backseat Joplin and Misty were holding on for dear life, but Misty managed to get one eye opened just as the car jerked a bit and a body popped out of the front passenger seat. Less than a second later they made a hard impact with some bushes and dirt, the front of the car rammed into a stone wall and crunched like paper. Misty and Joplin both managed to take the brunt of the impact with their shoulders but Tracey wasn't quite so lucky, he'd gotten a face full of steering wheel.

Tangled around the lamp post Bulbasaur had tried to use to slow the car down, Ash slowly opened his eyes so see what had become of his friends. He spotted the car about 30 feet away in the hospital garden smooshed up against the wall, but there was movement. Misty was hugging Togepi tightly and Joplin had her arms up going "WHAHOOO! That was awesome!" Tracey however appeared to be passed out in the drivers seat, his face slammed in the middle of the wheel causing the horn to cry out.

Hospital staff and guests started pouring out the front door, a few people began snapping pictures and taking video as some nurses helped carry Joplin out of the car and into a wheel chair. Some EMTs who had been nearby on a lunch break were trying to assess if Tracey was still breathing and assuring Misty it was safe to get out. Ash just hung there wrapped to the pole with Pikachu and Bulbasaur waiting for someone to notice him.

A few minutes later when Misty hobbled over (her legs felt like jelly), Ash called down to her. "Is he alright?"

Misty glanced back, she really couldn't tell from where she was standing. "Uh, I certainly hope so."

"Whelp, I'd say that was pretty wild. Quite a…smashing entrance, right? Ha ha!"

Misty glared up at him. "I'm gonna go see if I can get a ladder, you just hang in there."


End file.
